Monday night

"Then again, maybe there are some things worth gambling on."

~more Sex and the City wisdom

2 more days

Current Temp in Chicago: 37 degrees
Current Temp in Vegas: 85 degrees

Forecast for Chicago:
T:46 W:61 Th:66 F:63 S:60

Forecast for Vegas:
T:92 W:83 Th:77 F:82 S:84

Ok, so 60's in Chicago is not so bad, but after 40 over the weekend, and 30's right now....yeah I'll take the 80's and sun in Vegas!

pics

I failed to mention before that my overall time puts me at an average of 12:38 minute miles....yay!

Yeah, I'm proud. I have to be. It's fun to have something that I'm really excited about again, cuz school and work have not been doin' it for me lately! hahaha

Enjoy the pics from the windy morning....

Team photo, Post-Race...we are about to blow away :)

my time

39:07 - not half bad for a girl who's never run 3 miles in her life, right?!!!

in other news, it's so cold that our heat is on :( yay for going to vegas in a few days!

What a day

I DID IT!!!

The 5K today went really well, and I think I may be addicted to racing now :) This morning started out quite dreadful - it was only about 40 degrees when I arrived at the check-in...along with crazy winds. We were soooo cold (I may sound wimpy, but being next to the lake when it's windy and chilly is not really ever anyone's cup of tea), and we were standing outside for about an hour and a half before the race even started. Anyway, the sun finally came out as we started running, and stayed out the whole rest of the day. It's amazing what the sun can do.

I had set a goal for myself of finishing in 45 minutes, based on the fact that Jennifer told me another friend had just finished her very first 5K in about 42 minutes. Let me tell you, nothing beats the adrenaline of running with several thousand other people! I ran for the first 2 miles without stopping, which I've never really done before believe it or not. Then I walked for about 5 minutes, and ran the whole rest. There was a point at about 2.75ish that I so wanted to stop, but I knew the finish line was nearing my line of vision, so I pressed on! It really was incredible. Crossing the finish line I was overcome with emotion and just started sobbing. It was a whole mixture of emotions - seeing all these people who were running for those who had suffered from brain tumors, and knowing I was running for Frank....it was incredibly meaningful and special. Add to that it's the first time I've done anything like this and there you have a sobbing runner :)

But seriously - I think the adrenaline and my heart were racing (no pun intended) when I finished, and that's how my body reacted. I found Jennifer and Elizabeth and hugged and cried some more, and wow. It really was a spiritual experience in a way. Within a few minutes of finishing, I was already thinking "when will I do my next race" - everyone told me once you do one, you are addicted, but I never believed them!

So if you want to start running with me, it sure would be nice to have some running buddies in Chicago :)

I don't know my exact time yet (my dumb stopwatch died during the race). They are going to post it online soon and then I'll put in on here. I will also post some pics once I get them from Jennifer.

Also - Today I reached my fundraising goal of $500!!!!! Thank you to all who supported me, both financially and in many other just as important ways. I am so grateful.

Until next time....

Look out - I'm quotin' the Bible

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight and the sin that clings so closely, and let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus the pioneer and perfecter of our faith, who for the sake of the joy that was set before him endured the cross, disregarding its shame, and has taken his seat at the right hand of the throne of God.
~Hebrews 12:1-2

Funny Commercial

Watch this clip on YouTube - it's only 45 seconds long, and it cracks me up :)

http://youtube.com/watch?v=PDnUmE3oucg

TOMORROW IS THE BIG DAY! PLEASE SEND ME ALL YOUR GOOD VIBES FOR THE RACE!!

YAY

I got a new computer!!!!

Oh freeeeeeeeeeedom

Runnin', runnin', runnin'

Dear Friends,

About a year and a half ago, Frank Slagle, my dear friend's father, passed
away from complications with a brain tumor. With him as my
inspiration, I have decided to take up running, something I've always
wanted to do, but never felt motivated enough. On April 26th, I will
participate in the 3rd Annual Brain Tumor Path to Progress to raise
money for the research programs of the American Brain Tumor
Association....So that means that in just five days I will attempt to
run my very first 5K! My friends, Jennifer and Elizabeth, and their
mother, along with many friends will also be running/walking. We have
formed a team called "Running for Frank."

I am asking you to support my efforts with a donation. You can do
this easily by clicking the link below.

I appreciate any donation you give! As you can tell, this is
time-sensitive, as the race is in just FIVE DAYS! Thank you so much
for considering what you are able to give for this important research.

Here's the link:
http://hope.abta.org/site/TR/ABTAEvent/PathtoProgress?px=1610717&pg=personal&fr_id=1220

To learn more about the American Brain Tumor Association, visit their
website at www.abta.org.

In addition, this Mother's Day, I'm participating in Y-ME's Race to Empower with the Breast Team Ever! I have many friends whose lives are deeply affected by the tragedy of breast cancer. We will be walking on Mother's Day in support of all those affected. To donate to this event, please click here:

http://main.y-me.org/site/TR/MothersDayEvents/MothersDayEvents-Chicago?pg=personal&fr_id=1241&fr_id=1241&px=2129594

Thanks for supporting me in these endeavors!

quote from Lauren

"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity."

This is from The Alchemist, a must-read according to Lauren...yay!

today's song

Should I be embarrassed that I whipped out one of my old Savage Garden albums today? (or should I be more embarrassed that I actually saw them in concert a few years back and LOVED them?!!!). Anyway, this song below was playing in the car on my way home this evening. I had an eventful day that included one of my clients (a teenage mother) finally opening up to me and sharing some heavy stuff. It's a good thing that she trusted me enough to do that, so I feel good about it, but also quite drained from the experience, and worried about her of course.

Overall, though, it was a pretty good day...and emotionally better than the past several days have been...thanks for all your warm & fuzzies sent my way!

Affirmation by Savage Garden

I believe the sun should never set upon an argument
I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands
I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you
I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do
I believe that beauty magazines promote low self-esteem
I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality
I believe that trust is more important than monogamy
I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul
I believe that family is worth more than money or gold
I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair

I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires

I believe forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness
I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed
I believe that God does not endorse TV evangelists
I believe in love surviving death into eternity

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

Me.

So I don't usually post much about the G-word, or get too preachy in my blog (well, in general, I don't start chatting about God at random times...not your typical seminarian, eh?)...but I have this deep need to share just a couple of my experiences this week where I saw God.

As you can tell from my posts, or if you've talked to me at all lately, I haven't been well emotionally for the past month or so...but it's been especially difficult the last couple weeks. I have been in a major rut of being really down on myself. While dealing with this depression, I hope that none of you become too concerned about me, because I know that it is temporary and just something I'm dealing with right now. A lot has been thrown at me all at the same time (crazy how that works!), along with trying to stay on top of things at school....just hasn't been easy. While it has been incredibly difficult for me to handle (lots of crying, sleepless nights, etc...), I have this feeling wayyyy deep down that this is all making me a better person in the long run. Everyone needs to confront issues they have with themselves, and actually DO something about it, rather than just letting it fester somewhere in your being. I don't want to go into it too much, especially on something so silly as a little blog post, but this can give you some idea why some of my posts may seem depressing. It's where I'm at right now.

So back to God. In the midst of all this, when I like to feel that "no one gets me" or something like that, God will just pop up every once in awhile. (Side note - if you don't believe in God, I am not at all about to force my beliefs on you...maybe you could think of it as "Something bigger than me" has been showing itself to me lately. Call it whatever makes you feel comfortable).

Ok, I keep rambling. Sorry. Anyway, the other day I had a very intense therapy session (No, I'm not crazy - if you have good insurance, YOU should seek therapy too. I highly recommend it for all! I think there's a chance of world peace if everyone saw a therapist...ok sorry rambling again). After this, I got on the train headed back home and was feeling VERY emotional...just kept telling myself "Don't cry, don't cry"...along with a million other thoughts racing through my being. I looked up and a couple seats away from me was a little boy, just looking at me. When I looked at him, he just gave me the sweetest little smile. His eyes looked so deep into mine. (I'm actually getting teary-eyed just writing about it)...needless to say, I just started weeping right there on the train. I needed that smile so badly, and there it was. I saw God (or something bigger than me) in that little boy.

Tonight I went to kickboxing as I often do on Wednesday nights. It's a great stress reliever, and I figured it would be good for me to go tonight, even though all day I'd been so looking forward to being home and by myself again. For days, I've not wanted to get out of bed - not from laziness - but from sheer undesire (I know, not a word) of showing my face to the world (really shows how deeply I believe in self-care right!)...anyway, my kickboxing instructor (who I think is one of the wisest people I know, although he'd never let me say that to his face) asked me to wait so he could walk home with me (which doesn't usually happen). On our walk, he asked me how I was doing since my break-up (which was 5 months ago, so kinda funny that he'd think of asking me tonight. He wouldn't know that it's something that's been on my mind almost constantly), also asked if we'd "stayed broken up or not." His questions led to an awesome conversation, and him sharing his wisdom with me. I got to kickboxing feeling down and agitated...I left tonight with a sense of peace. Of course, I'm not just amazingly healed in 20 minutes, but I feel more at peace than I have in awhile. I saw God (or something bigger than me) in my kickboxing instructor.

Whew - this is the longest blog post ever. Thanks for indulging me in my venting/sharing. The introvert in me has been in overdrive (quite understandable considering...) so it's easier for me to write it all down rather than try to put it into spoken words. Of course, there's been plenty of other times I've felt God, and there are plenty of people in my life who have been nothing but totally there for me...this post should not downplay how much I appreciate having you in my life.

~Peace & Love~

Song of the Day

So I close my eyes

Try to hold my head up high

And I pray my soul

Not to break

~Dan Wilson

Hmm

Have you ever felt like all you wanted was to be by yourself, while at the same time dreading being alone because that's when your thoughts would go into overdrive and leave you feeling like a crazy person?

Song of the day

Sundrenched world
I'm talking to you
But you're not listening
I don't know what to do
My heart is blistering

Tell me I belong
Tell me I
Tell me I belong

~Joshua Radin, Sundrenched World

Note to Self

Note to self: Using your laptop during parties to look at silly videos on YouTube could very well put said laptop at risk of having large amounts of wine spilled onto it, hence leading to the very death of said laptop. Which then may lead you to have to borrow others computers for awhile to do all the homework and taxes that you put off...which then my lead you to have to spend all your tax refund on buying a new computer. And while that actually sounds pretty exciting since you may have been getting bored with said laptop, it means that your tax refund will not help towards paying off credit card bills that were waiting for said refund. It also means that you are doing exactly what Bush wants you do with the refund and stimulating the economy.

So the real question is - does anyone have any recommendations or suggestions for my next laptop?! What to stay away from...what I should be able to live without...etc.....

this is what happens when you're cocky

Last weekend, my friend Rich was drinking a tasty looking frappucino. I wanted to try its deliciousness, and he warned me of his cold before I greedily took my precious sips. I told him that I take care of myself, so clearly I wouldn't get sick. I also said that he probably wasn't even contagious anymore, because you're really only contagious at the beginning, and he'd had it for awhile. Basically, I told him I didn't care one stinkin' bit that he was sick, I just wanted my sips....and that there was little to no chance I would catch the cold.

I now have a cold....I have learned my lesson.

It's the weekend! Friends over tonight for dinner, seeing my friend Joe who I haven't seen in forever tomorrow night, and lots of homework and paper-writing in between! woohoo

Effortlessly

Thursday night. Almost the weekend. Here's my song of the day. As a bit of a disclaimer, do I need to mention that even if I put a bunch of song lyrics on my blog, it doesn't mean that I necessarily feel the exact same way or believe the exact same thing? I hope that's clear. When I put lyrics here, for me they are thought-provoking and they speak to me. Anyway, today's song...an idealist's dream...."I want to effortlessly be." but where would the fun in that be, eh?

Effortlessly by Sister Hazel
I won't be so hard on me today
I start to take myself so seriously
Shouldn't be so hard just to be effortlessly
It shouldn't be so hard to keep it together
It shouldn't be so hard to say the right things to you
It shouldn't be so hard just to be effortlessly

[Pre-Chorus]
Weightless worries fall away
Wasted pools of energy
I want to know I want to breathe

[Chorus]
Effortlessly - just be
I want to be effortlessly
I want to be

It shouldn't be so hard to be inspired
It shouldn't be so hard just to write this song
It shouldn't be so hard to be wrong or to agree
It shouldn't be so hard to change the world
It shouldn't be so hard just to change your mind
It shouldn't be so hard just to be effortlessly

[Pre-Chorus]
[Chorus]

I won't be so hard on me today
I start to take myself so seriously
Shouldn't be so hard just to be effortlessly

Effortlessly
I want to know
I want to breathe
I want to simplify my needs
I want to live inside this moment
And just be effortlessly
Just be
I wanna be effortlessly
I want to be

Chicago drivers

I have an 8-10 page paper due tomorrow. Seriously, people, it's only the second week of the quarter!!! Why on earth would you want us to have any sort of free time ever - even in the beginning of the quarter....

On my way home tonight (in a wild thunderstorm!) I saw a bumper sticker that really amused me. It might be because I'm a little stir crazy from working on my paper, and tomorrow I'll look back at this and go "What was I thinking?!" We'll just have to see, I guess. I think it exemplifies the attitude of many (most?) Chicago drivers....and I just might have to pick one up for myself.

How am I driving?
Call 1-800-EAT-SHIT.

:)

More Sex and the City relationship wisdom

It's Monday night - time for dinner with my roomie while watching an episode of Sex and the City before hitting the books. :) Good times. The episode focused on the ever-changing lives of the four friends - Carrie and Charlotte's singlehood after recent breakups, Miranda's life after having a baby, and Samantha's pain over her boyfriend cheating on her. This is the quote from the end of the episode (and for all you SATC lovers out there, it comes from the first episode of Season 5). :)

“Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe, you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be.”

10 things to know about McCain

I get the emails from MoveOn.org and they recently sent out this one called "10 things you should know about McCain but probably don't." Check it out. It's interesting.

Used To

Back and forth, back and forth. I am rarely constant for more than a few days at a time (which you can tell from the bipolar-ishness of my blog posts. hehe). I fluctuate each day - there are those days where I think I have everything figured out (which I must be delusional on those days, right?!), and there are those where....well, it feels like I can't figure anything out for the life of me. In the midst of the fluctuations, though, I do feel that I am in a good place in my life. I have done an incredible amount of soul-searching in the last 6 months or so, more than I imagined possible. I have discovered things about myself that will help me be a better person throughout the rest of my days. Clearly I'm not perfect, but I'm getting there. :) But seriously....My goal in life is to never stop with the soul-searching and bettering of myself. Not only can I be a better contribution to the world by doing that, but I will be more at peace deep in my being.

So I heard this song today, and it spoke to me. It spoke to me a lot. I have some thinking to do.

Do with it what you will....

"Used To" by Daughtry

You used to talk to me like
I was the only one around.
You used to lean on me like
The only other choice was falling down.
You used to walk with me like
We had nowhere we needed to go,
Nice and slow, to no place in particular.

We used to have this figured out;
We used to breathe without a doubt.
When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see.
We used to have this under control.
We never thought.
We used to know.
At least there's you, and at least there's me.
Can we get this back?
Can we get this back to how it used to be?

I used to reach for you when
I got lost along the way.
I used to listen.
You always had just the right thing to say.
I used to follow you.
Never really cared where we would go,
Fast or slow, to anywhere at all.

We used to have this figured out;
We used to breathe without a doubt.
When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see.
We used to have this under control.
We never thought.
We used to know.
At least there's you, and at least there's me.
Can we get this back?
Can we get this back to how it used to be?

I look around me,
And I want you to be there
'Cause I miss the things that we shared.
Look around you.
It's empty, and you're sad
'Cause you miss the love that we had.

You used to talk to me like
I was the only one around,
The only one around.

We used to have this figured out;
We used to breathe without a doubt.
When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see.
We used to have this under control.
We never thought.
We used to know.
At least there's you, and at least there's me.
Can we get this back?
Can we get this back to how it used to be? Yeah.
To how it used to be.
To how it used to be, yeah.
To how it used to be.
To how it used to be.

Update

It's in the 60's today! Yeah, I'm a tad obsessed with the weather these days. It happens to every good Midwesterner about this time of year. :)

Song of the Day: Joshua Radin "Everything'll be alright"

Way down, in New York town
Thinking about the way she loved me
There's a hole in my pocket
That's about her size
But I think everything
Is gonna be alright
Yes I hope everything
Is gonna be alright

The smiling face, straight in LA
The gifts are found at the bar
But I wish my car
Could drive to her tonight
Then I'd know everything
Is gonna be alright
Yes then I'd know
It'll be alright

The rain in New Orleans, forgot to end
But the mouths of the people are dry
And we watch and wait
And do nothing but sigh
And hope everything
Is gonna turn alright
But I don't know
If it'll be alright

But I look at you, warm in your dream
While your mobile dances above
And I think to myself
It's a beautiful night
And I know everything
Is gonna be alright
Yes now I know
It'll be alright

Far Away

Well, until I can come up with my own words to express myself, I'll just have to keep sharing song lyrics and Sex and the City quotes, eh? It has been quite a week....They say bad things come in threes, so I'm gonna go with those folk and hope that I'm in the clear for a little while...Peace!

Far Away by Ingrid Michaelson

I will live my life as a lobsterman's wife on an island in the blue bay.
He will take care of me, he will smell like the sea,
And close to my heart he'll always stay.

I will bear three girls all with strawberry curls, little Ella and
Nelly and Faye.
While I'm combing their hair, I will catch his warm stare
On our island in the blue bay.

Far away far away, I want to go far away.
To a new life on a new shore line.
Where the water is blue and the people are new.
To another island, in another life.

There's a boy next to me and he never will be anything but a boy at the bar.
And I think he's the tops, he's where everything stops.
How I love to love him from afar.

When he walks right pass me then I finally see on this bar stool I can't stay.
So I'm taking my frown to a far distant town
On an island in the blue bay.

Far away far away, I want to go far away.
To a new life on a new shore line.
Where the water is blue and the people are new.
To another island, in another life.

I want to go far away.
Away away, I want to go far away, away, away
I want to go far away, far away.

Where the water is blue and the people are new.
To another life, to another life.
To another shore line
In another life.

buh-bye sun

I wore flip-flops today. It was the 2nd sunny day in a row...and supposed to be nearly 50. Yeah, still a bit on the cold side for flip-flops but the sun kidded me into wearing them!!

Throughout the day the temperature dropped and by evening the rain started. My feet are freezing.

And I heard that Michael Buble "Home" song again today. I'm starting to get creeped out. But I have some theories on the meaning of "home" for me. I'll save those for another blog entry, I think.

Finally, tomorrow is Friday. :) Yahoo.

sun

The sun came out today after disappearing for several days.

You wouldn't believe how good 48 degrees feels when it's sunny!

That's all for today :)

Home

Do you ever hear the same song over and over? I'm not talking when the radio keeps replaying the latest Rob Thomas or Britney Spears. What I'm talking about is when you hear a more obscure song, something you haven't heard in awhile or something you never really knew. And you hear it everywhere - in the car, the store, the bank, even on a commercial. When this happens, I kinda feel like it's trying to tell me something. That I'm supposed to listen to what it's saying. Maybe someone is trying to get through to me through this song?

Or maybe I'm just crazy?

Whatever the case may be I keep hearing the Michael Buble song "Home." Seriously, nonstop for at least the last month. It's not a new song, my Michael Buble-loving friends tell me. It's actually a few years old. I'm not the hugest Buble fan in the world, never really heard his stuff before. Anyway, what all this rambling is to say is that I'm going to analyze these lyrics and figure out what they mean for me, because there must be something to all this, right? (Just go with me here ok!). If you have any thoughts, let me know (however, if you do think I'm crazy, please just keep it to yourself and pretend I'm not - please?) :)

So here it is:

"Home" by Michael Buble

(well, technically I'm not sure he wrote it....but he sang it at least).

Another summer day

Has come and gone away

In Paris and Rome

But I wanna go home

May be surrounded by

A million people I

Still feel all alone

I just wanna go home

Oh, I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you

Each one a line or two“I’m fine baby, how are you?”

Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough

My words were cold and flat

And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane

Another sunny place

I’m lucky, I know

But I wanna go home

I’ve got to go home

Let me go home

I’m just too far from where you are

I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life

It’s like I just stepped outside

When everything was going right

And I know just why you could not

Come along with me

'Cause this was not your dream

But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come

And gone away

In even Paris and Rome

And I wanna go home

Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by

A million people I

Still feel all alone

Oh, let me go home

Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home

I’ve had my run

Baby, I’m done

I gotta go home

Let me go home

It will all be all right

I’ll be home tonight

I’m coming back home